I have two kiddo's; my son, Jack (4), and my daughter, Samantha (1). Both of my children are extremely strong-willed. When I say that, I don't mean the typical child that rebels in phases and then falls back in line. I mean...my children are strong-willed and they are not ashamed to let anyone and everyone know what they want and EXACTLY how they want it. Jack, my firstborn, is one of my most favorite people to be around, but I won't lie...he knows how to push my buttons and steps on my toes. He does have two VERY strong-willed and opinionated people as parents. I do not believe that he intentionally tries to irritate me. In fact, most times where I get extremely frustrated is because I have chosen to go too far over the edge...not because he has pushed me there. With that being said, parenting is extremely rewarding if you are invested in it, but it can also be the most frustrating, irritating, and "pull-my-hair-out" experience ever!
In those moments where one of my kids is testing me, whether it is me having to repeat the same rule about not play-fighting people unless you ask (this rule is usually brought up after I have been punched in the stomach or the boob or the face) or me having to put Samantha in her crib because she INSISTS that screaming on the floor is the best way to get what she wants, I can start to lose it. It get's really bad if my mommy-tone isn't adhered too. My blood pressure rises and I can feel myself approaching the cliffs of insanity (little Princess Bride humor for those who are fans). I'm sure every parent has lost it on one of their children. Choose from any of the unhealthy and out-of-control methods to punish and freak out your children: spanking out of anger, yelling, shaming, physical intimidation, etc. I have done all of these things and I'm extremely ashamed to admit it.
Every time I lose my temper, I see the look in my children's eyes as they stare back at me with such sadness. It cuts through me. To them...I am a mirror of who they are and what they are worth. I am their idea of God and how God feels about them. Being a parent is about so much more than just keeping a child alive, but it is about teaching, training, and LOVING them. We get to have relationships with these amazing children and God has entrusted them to our care. When I am mean to my kids and do something to wrong them, I apologize. It is such a powerful thing to say, "I'm sorry." Apologizing for something you did wrong is humbling, trust-building, and one of the hardest things for a person to do (especially in our pathetic society where we justify our wrongs).
It is so powerful to say you are sorry to your child, not just because of the wounds it heals, but because of what it teaches them. Keeping in mind that by apologizing for the wrong things you may have said or done, you are actually teaching them how they should expect to be treated and what they should or shouldn't tolerate. If you yell at your child on a regular basis and DON'T apologize for it (don't get me wrong, there are times when yelling is the only way to truly communicate the urgency -- i.e. running out in the street), you teach your child that they deserve to be yelled at. How would you feel if you watched one your child's teachers yell at them? Or even one of your friends who comes over to visit? Would you be okay with them yelling at your child for no reason or because they were in a "bad mood"? HELL NO! You'd backhand that jerk-wad into last week. Even more so if you are a parent who tends to use physical intimidation when you are angry. We would never tolerate other people doing these things to our children, so let's teach our children that they shouldn't be okay with anyone treating them like that...including their own parents.
There are days where I am OFF and have had to apologize to my whole family. Over and over and over again. I have gotten better as time has passed. My son says that I am not so "grumpy" anymore. Our kids are worth the effort of self-change and relearning things.
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